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(The Hills Have Eyes - Fox Searchlight - Rated R)
The Hills Have Eyes is brutal and highly disturbing.  But that's what it wants to be.  It is shocking, startling, gory and produces the feeling of dread required by a movie like this in gallons and gallons.  It's a creep-fest that horror fans will love.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Failure to Launch - Paramount - Rated PG-13)
Failure To Launch is better than I thought it would be.  The movie is only somewhat amusing, but Zooey Deschanel steals every scene she's in with her hilarious performance as Sarah Jessica Parker's roommate.  Unfortunately, she's not in the movie enough.  Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey have no chemistry whatsoever.  Their performances leave much to be desired.  The plot has loads of gaps in logic, and gives us a silly end.  And speaking of ends, I could have done without seeing Terry Bradshaw's naked hind end.  That has forever scarred me.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5

(The Shaggy Dog - Disney - Rated PG)
Disney's remake of The Shaggy Dog is bland but serviceable.  It pales in comparison to the original.  Not that it doesn't have its funny moments, it does.  But, it ends up being kind of corny.  This doesn't have enough to keep the interest of the real little ones, but kids from around 4 or 5 through 12 should love it.  I'd say save some money and buy the original on DVD.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5

(The Libertine - The Weinstein Company - Rated R)
Johnny Depp's character in The Libertine says at the beginning that you won't like him.  He's right.  Depp's portrayal is interesting to a point, but the film is so boring you never really notice much.  This film is really nothing but horribly written, constant sexual dialogue.  Nothing really happens, except they talk about it.  Add a muddled plot, along with shoddy editing and direction, and even the great Johnny Depp can't rescue this tawdry mess. 
2 Stars Out of 5
(Transamerica - The Weinstein Company - Rated R)Felicity Huffman is an amazing actress.  She makes Transamerica, a film with an assuredly fringe subject extraordinarily watchable, and turns in one of the finest performances of the year.  Although I really didn't expect to like it, the film itself is funny, touching, and actually very good.  4 Stars Out of 5

(16 Blocks - Warner Bros - Rated PG-13)
Bruce Willis and Mos Def are both pretty good in 16 Blocks.  Willis really looks the part of a washed up, out of shape, alcoholic cop.  He gives an unusual and interesting performance.  This is an involving and enjoyable action film that has a somewhat predictable end. 3 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada -Sony Pictures Classics - Rated R)
Tommy Lee Jones directed and stars in Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, a movie that some may object to as it shows illegal aliens from Mexico in a very positive light.  Jones does a magnificent job at both direction and acting.  Barry Pepper is also very good as the villain and victim of Tommy Lee's rage.  This film is unpredictable and a lot of fun.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Aquamarine - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG)
Aquamarine is a sweet and fun film aimed at the tween and younger teen girl audience.  Friendship is the main theme here, with a healthy dose of comedy thrown in.  It borders at times on being too sweet, but for the most part, Aquamarine is delightful.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Dave Chappelle's Block Party - - Rated R)
With a name like Dave Chappelle's Block Party, I thought Dave Chappelle would actually be performing in it.  He is really only a cameo.  It shows, in documentary fashion, how Dave put this rap concert together.  The movie lasts an hour and 43 minutes.  He performs in it a total of about 5 minutes.  And that 5 minutes isn't all that funny.  I expected more Dave.  But I got lots of rap music. Yes, it was nice to see the Fugees back together and some of the performances were pretty good, most notably from Erika Badu and Jill Scott.  But there was too much militant rap stuff from my taste and certainly not enough comedy.  2 Stars Out of 5

(Ultraviolet - Screen Gems - Rated PG-13)
Ultraviolet is a film packed with ultra-cheesy special effects, ultra-atrocious dialogue, worse acting and it's all done with an ultra-straight face!  The bad guy has this thing in his nostrils that I guess is supposed to be some kind of filter but I laughed every time I saw it.  Even the music is horrific!  It sounds like it belongs in a 70's porn film.  Ultraviolet is an unintentional ultra-laugh riot!  1 Star Out of 5

Recent Reviews

(Piranha 3-D - Dimension Films - Rated R)
Piranha 3-D knows exactly what it wants to be and unapologetically does that to a T.  This is a throwback to the 70's horror film that inspired it.  Loads of skin and loads of gore highlighted by an over the top sense of humor that takes no prisoners.  Jerry O'Connell is great as a Joe Francis Girls Gone Wild like character who gets a certain part of his anatomy removed by the hungry fish.  This is an orgy of depravity.  It's terrible, but I loved it.  4 ½ Stars Out of 5

(The Girl Who Played With Fire - Music Box Films - Rated R)
The Girl Who Played With Fire is the sequel to The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo and is more brutal that the first with strong violence along with a strong sex scene.  I love the character of Lisbeth and Noomi Rapace is perfect in this intense, interesting and twisty tale that is just about as good as the first.  The Girl Who Played With Fire is burning hot.  4 Stars Out of 5

(The Switch - Miramax - Rated PG-13)
In The Switch, Jason Bateman is great as an alcoholic best friend who switches um…samples…causing a mixup in Jennifer Aniston's child's paternity.  The kid is great, and Jennifer Aniston is, well, Jennifer Aniston.  But it isn't as bad as most Jennifer Aniston movies, thanks to Jason Bateman.  And that's a switch all by itself.  3 stars Out of 5

(Vampires Suck - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG-13)
Vampires Suck is another one of those movie spoofs.  This one skewers the Twilight films.  Forks Washington becomes Sporks, the Cullens become the Sullens.  Well, you get the idea.  Lead actress Joan Proske does a fantastic Kristen Stewart.  Her performance is uncanny, and is reason enough to watch this movie.  Instead of a million pop culture references, this one stuck to the subject, and actually included some jokes.  Vampires do suck, especially the sparkly ones, but this movie didn't.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Lottery Ticket - Warner Brothers - Rated PG-13)
He's all grown up now, and Lil Bow Wow is just Bow Wow and the star of Lottery Ticket.  It's no coincidence that he's named after a dog, and is starring in a dog.  Some say the lottery is a stupid tax, Lottery Ticket is just plain stupid.  2 Stars Out of 5

(Nanny McPhee Returns - Universal - Rated PG)
Nanny McPhee Returns features lots of dung.  One of the characters declares, "We're in the land of poo."  And he's right.  Loads of animal dung, a bad script and worse direction, plus Maggie Gyllenhaal sports a British accent.  And if that's not enough for you, there is pig synchronized swimming - an apt description for this not so great sequel that can't quite swim…just goes through the…uhem…movements…2 Stars Out of 5

(Dinner For Schmucks - Paramount - Rated PG-13)
Dinner for Schmucks is a remake of a French film, but don't let that bother you.  This is a laugh packed movie with so many hilarious performances, there's never a lull.  Steve Carrell is a force of nature, giving his character the perfect balance of silliness and sweetness.  I laughed from beginning to end.  It is the funniest movie so far this year, and a feast of frivolity.  4 ½ Stars Out of 5

(The Kids are All Right - Focus Features - Rated R)
The surprising thing about The Kids are All Right, is the strong sexual content.  It is on the harder side of R including brief glimpses of gay male porn.  Aside from that, there is a rather delightful, heartwarming story and terrific, impeccable acting from Julianne Moore, Annette Benning and Mark Ruffalo.  This should be in this year's Oscar mix.  The Kids ARE alright!
4 Stars Out of 5

(Charlie St. Cloud - Universal - Rated PG-13)
Zac Efron sees dead people in Charlie St. Cloud.  He also gives vacant stares, and takes off his shirt.  Asking anything more from him is probably asking too much.  He's also much prettier than his co-star, Amanda Crew.  She's like a very toothy Jennifer Love Hewett, but next to Zac she looks like warmed over oatmeal.  The draggy, pseudo spiritual story is slapped together sentimental pap.  But those who like Zac won't care as long as they can get lost in his baby blues.  I didn't.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - Warner Brothers - Rated PG)
If you think Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore looks bad from the trailer, you are 100% correct, sir.  There's not much warm and cuddly here.  Most every character looks creepy and menacing and some are downright scary.  This sequel to 2001's Cats & Dogs wears out its welcome in the opening seconds with an assortment of bad puns and terrible CGI animation.  It is nowhere near as good as the first, and I hated that one. 
It is tedious and boring for anyone over about age six, and those under six will find it too scary.  So, happily, this film has no audience and will disappear quickly.  It's about as much fun as a flea infested mangy mongrel with tape worms licking your face after eating its own vomit.  1 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Salt - Sony - Rated PG-13)
A sinewy Angelina Jolie is tough as nails in the action packed Salt. This was originally supposed to be a Tom Cruise vehicle, and I'm glad it's not.  She is perfectly cast as a CIA operative who may have a secret.  This is a rollicking tale with enough twists and turns for an amusement park ride. 
It's a very good popcorn movie that's worth every bit of its salt.  4 Stars Out of 5

(Ramona and Beezus - 20th Century Fox - Rated G)
Ramona and Beezus is wholesome, joyous and cheery with a sunny disposition and no guile at all - quite a trick in the modern world.  Joey King, who plays Ramona is perfect and extremely cute while the rest of the cast, especially John Corbin and Ginnifer Goodwin are also delightful.   I had very low expectations for this, but to use a word from Ramona, it's quite terrifical!  4 Stars Out of 5

(Micmacs - Sony - Rated R)
Micmacs is a whimsical French film with an amusing style.  Unfortunately, it has a misplaced premise.  A man shot in the head, lives and sets out to destroy the ammunition maker.  Here's the lesson I guess the French want us to learn:  If I get hit, say, with a spitwad, I should go after the paper company.  Or a plunked with pea shooter, go after the farmer.  Micmacs, mish mash.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Inception - Warner Brothers - Rated PG-13)
If you are looking for a movie where you can shift your brain into neutral and watch the pretty explosions, Inception isn't it.  This very well done and well acted, noir feel film is mind bending to say the least.  There are some great special effects with a challenging story that bears multiple viewings.  Leonardo DiCaprio is excellent as is the rest of the stellar cast.  They snooze though most of the film, but you won't.  Inception is very, very cool.  4 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Ondine - Magnolia Films - Rated PG-13)
Ondine stars Colin Ferrell and the beautiful Alicja Bachleda as a woman who might be a selkie, a kind of Irish mermaid.  But it is the extremely cute Allison Berry as Ferrell's daughter who steals the movie.  She is an absolute joy to behold.  She is the delightful highlight of a very enjoyable film.  Nothing fishy here.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Cyrus - Fox Searchlight - Rated R)
Cyrus is a funny, quirky film that seems adlibbed while the camera work gives it an even more spontaneous feel.  Marisa Tomei is wonderful, John C. Reilly is terrific, and Jonah Hill shows a new side, playing a creepy, passive aggressive type.  This isn't a laugh riot but it is very amusing.  The kid is alright.  3 Stars Out of 5

(The Sorcerer's Apprentice - Disney - Rated PG)
Another movie, another bad hair day for Nicolas Cage.  In The Sorcerer's Apprentice, he needs a shampoo…seriously…his hair is filthy.  Disgusting.  Why is it that an actor with as much talent as he has, takes mediocre and crummy films who hire construction workers as hair stylists?  Jay Baruchel is the apprentice, and he's OK, the rest of the cast is sadly, forgettable.  The story is flat.  Mickey Mouse was the original Sorcerer's Apprentice, and this remake IS Mickey Mouse.  2 ½ Stars out of 5


(Standing Ovation - Rocky Mountain Pictures - Rated PG)
Standing Ovation is just plain embarrassing.  It features less than marginally talented performers in a film that looks like daddy paid to have it made because he wanted the world to see his oh-so-cute kids.  This terrible, hideously overacted movie is a variation of the let's put on a show plot, except this time it's about making music videos.  Everybody mugs for the camera.  Half the cast is looking into the lens with that "Hey Mom, look at me!  I'm in a movie" expression.  This is totally amateur, and extraordinarily unappealing.  With every frame, more and more brain cells were ripped from my skull, cascading out of my ears and falling to the theater floor in a puddle of cinemuck.  I can't tell you how long it took me to recover from this disaster.  I'm still trying to separate brain matter from Junior Mints.  1 Star Out of 5


(Despicable Me - Universal - Rated PG)
Despicable Me offers plenty of spunk with jokes for adults as well as the kids, and is fresh and entertaining.  The 3-D effects are OK, until the end credits when they go into overdrive and make it worth the extra bucks.  But even in 2-D, the little yellow creatures called the Minions are hilarious.  This funny, heartwarming and touching movie is a perfect family film with enough to keep the kids entertained while providing the adults with just the right blend of humor and heart.  Despicable?  No!  Delightful!  4 Stars Out of 5


(Predators - 20th Century Fox - Rated R)
Predators is a very successful reboot of the commando - sci-fi movie series.  It's back to basics here with Adrien Brody in the Arnold Schwarzenegger role.  Adrien Brody and tough guy don't usually go together but here they do…he's no Arnold, but he's still menacing - in a more cerebral sort of way.  And I want to see what more Topher Grace can do - he gives us some glimpses of future greatness here, but can he really be more than his TV persona?  And Lawrence Fishburne is flying mammal excrement crazy.  He provides the film's fun moments.  I want to see more of the bigger, badder aliens.  I'm sure I will, in the inevitable sequels.
3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(I Am Love - Magnolia Films - Rated R)
The first thing you need to know about I Am Love is it is in Italian and VERY slow.  Slow actually only begins to describe the pace of this film.  Watching grass grow is more exciting.  The first hour passes with about five minutes of actual story. This plot is paper thin. There are lots of shots of servants working…and then some more.  If they cut these unnecessary shots the movie would have been about 45 minutes long.    This long, slow, boring movie ends with a confusing, stupefying conclusion that made me say, what the heck was that?  Now, Tilda Swinton is a good actress, but isn't good looking.  Still, she insists that we see her naked anyway.  It's a good thing I didn't order that pretzel with cheese, as her cottage cheese is more than enough for everyone.  1 ½ Stars Out of 5




(Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work - IFC Films - Rated R)
The first thing that hits you in Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work is how bad she looks.  She barely resembles her former appearance.  The plastic surgery on her face has become more plastic than ever.  But as the film unfolds, you begin to look beyond that, and see the outspoken, funny, insecure and driven woman behind the image.  It is incredible how much she works.  The film generates sympathy for her in more ways than one.  It changed my mind on Joan Rivers.  She is a piece of work, and very different than I thought.  4 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Twilight Saga: Eclipse - Summit Entertainment - Rated PG-13)
Here's what you want to know about The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.  Taylor Lautner's shirt is off for most of the movie.   I started counting the scenes where he was bare chested, but then it became obvious that I should instead count the scenes where he is actually wearing a shirt.  (One and a half.)  Does anything else really matter to Twilight fans?  The odd love triangle is in full force, there isn't as much brooding here, which is a plus.  The CGI wolves are still hokey - with all the money these films make, couldn't they have spent a little more to make realistic looking wolves?  On the plus side, there is more action, more blood and even decapitations. 
This is the best of the three films so far…although that's not really saying all that much.  The abs have it.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(The Last Airbender - Paramount - Rated PG)
What happened to this guy?  One or two of M. Night Shyamalan's movies have been good, a few mediocre, and most bad.  The Last Airbender falls into the latter category.  He wrote, directed and produced this, so it all lands squarely on him.  The poorly written, unintelligible script contains some of the clunkiest dialogue ever committed to film.  It would have been more entertaining if the actors just said clunk clunk clunk instead of the verbose diarrhea of the mouth that the actors are forced to spew.  That is, if you can call them actors.  I can't.  I've seen better acting at an elementary school play.  They do their best Tai Chi and try to make it look something more imaginative than what you can see in the park every morning but the word here is just…limp.  Add in leaden pacing, a muddled, incomprehensible plot, silly direction, pseudo spiritual psychobabble, and a flying water buffalo beaver thingy that looks as bad as it sounds.  Most of the effects look like they were done by a 12 year old on a laptop.  And the cheap, last minute 3-D really adds nothing - it actually detracts.  It looks terrible.  This movie is absolutely unwatchable.  They were planning a trilogy, but let's hope this really is the LAST Airbender .  The two hours I spent felt like two weeks.  Now, your last bender…way better time.  This one…just plain bent.  1 Star Out of 5


(The Secret in Their Eyes - Sony - Rated R)
2009's Oscar winner for Best Foreign Film, The Secret in Their Eyes
starts out slow, with mostly a lot of talking for the first hour or so, and since it's in Spanish, you'd better know the language or read the subtitles fast.  When it finally kicks in there is plenty of action along with an interesting story with plenty of twists and turns and a little romance to keep you interested.  What's the secret?  That this is a very good film!  4 Stars Out of 5

(Exit Through the Gift Shop - Paranoid Pictures - Rated R)
Exit Through the Gift Shop is part of the growing trend of documentaries where the film maker is the subject of the film and actually makes himself part of the story.  While I'm not a fan of this style, I must admit that this film did keep me watching.  It's not for everyone, as it deals more with graffiti and street art than anything, filmed by an OCD film maker who makes himself the star.  This ends up being an exercise in self promotion - we see it happen in the film and by watching, are victims of it.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Grown Ups - Sony - Rated PG-13)
In Grown Ups, Adam Sandler and his pals look like they are having fun, but is the audience?  Not quite so much.  There's not a lot in the way of any plot here amid the five male leads trading barbs and insults.  With this much comedic talent, this should have been a laugh riot.  But it's not, I'm sorry to say.  It's all rather bland, with only mild giggles scattered amongst the scatological humor.  Adam Sandler is getting older and milder.  And so too, are his movies.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Knight and Day - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG-13)
Tom Cruise's latest, Knight and Day is a movie we've seen before.  A couple of weeks ago, it was called Killers, a couple of years ago it was called Mr. & Mrs. Smith.  Today, it's called the latest film to try to make you forget Oprah's couch.  While there is some decent action, nothing in this film got my pulse racing.  Not the gunplay, the explosions, or Cameron Diaz's bikini.  And I'm really not sure why.  Maybe it was the fact that I'd seen it all before.  It wasn't terribly bad, but not terribly involving either.  It's a movie that'll be forgotten in a couple of weeks.  But did I forget Oprah's couch?  Nope.  He's still Tom Cruise.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Toy Story 3 - Disney - Rated G)
When was the last time you saw a movie with a "3" in the title that was actually good?  Well, Pixar accomplishes the nearly impossible with Toy Story 3.  It is every bit as good as the first 2, and maybe even better!  I don't know how Pixar keeps doing it!  It has amazing detail, plenty of action, a heartwarming story and loads of humor.  While most of the favorites from the first two movies are back, Ken, as in Barbie and Ken, voiced by Michael Keaton, steals the movie and is spectacular.  His wardrobe alone is worth several times the price of admission.  But you will want to bring the tissues, towards the end, there isn't a dry eye in the theater…the three-peat is a 3-D masterpiece.  5 Stars Out of 5

(Please Give - Sony - Rated R)
Please Give has a marvelous cast, a great premise, and a mediocre, meandering story.  Dry humor abounds in a semi-satisfying comedy where I just wanted them to please give a little more…3 Stars Out of 5

(Touching Home - Sony - Rated PG-13)
Twin brothers Logan & Noah Miller wrote, produced, directed and star in Touching Home.  And that's its main problem.  They are devoid of any acting talent whatsoever, and they try to carry the movie.  But anytime a real actor enters the scene, the twins wither and almost disappear.  It's a better movie when they aren't in it.  But unfortunately, they are in it 95% of the time.  Ed Harris is great as usual, as is Robert Forster, but this is a strange, depressing movie that probably shouldn't have been made.  There's nothing touching about it.  2 Stars Out of 5

(Jonah Hex - Warner brothers - Rated PG-13)
Jonah Hex suffers from an incoherent, scrapple like plot, cartoonish acting,
a cartoonish tone, and, it is entirely mindless, brainless blather. 
Josh Brolin slurs and drools.  He seems to be trying to do Carl in "Sling Blade."  I kept expecting him to ask for biscuits and mustard with some potted meat.  Then there's that blob of plastic that is all over him - otherwise known as the acting sensation that is Megan Fox.  Her scenes are disconnected from the rest of the movie, as she monotones her way through them, with no perceivable expression or actual acting ability. 
Then there's the hideously bad dialogue - John Malkovich delivers some doozies - and with a straight face!  What has happened to his career?  Everyone in this film embarrasses themselves.  It is so bad, it is an embarrassment to bad movies.  But who cares about that actin' junk?  Lots o' stuff blowed up!  (Mostly the careers of those involved.)  1 ½ Stars Out of 5



(Harry Brown - Samuel Goldwyn Films Rated R)
Harry Brown has an ominous mood from the opening frames and it never lets up.  Michael Caine is a phenomenal actor and this is some of his best work - ever.  This high tension, high anxiety movie takes place in the filthy, slimy, grimy, drug addled London underworld.  It feels so real, it makes you feel like some of it got on you, and you need to take a shower quick.  It's very, very good, but you might need a palate cleanser afterward, it is intense!  4 ½ Stars Out of 5

(The Karate Kid - Sony - Rated PG)
Produced by Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, the family affair called The Karate Kid stars their son, Jaden Smith.  The thing is, the kid's got genuine on screen charisma.  Maybe it can be inherited.  He's a decent actor, and he's got some serious dance moves.  It's also nice to see Jackie Chan kickin' butt again.  He steps into the mentor role with ease.  This undeniably cute,
appealing movie has genuine feeling, and make us feel good as it makes it's way to its inevitable, preordained conclusion.  It's got…chops!  4 Stars Out of 5

(Looking for Eric - IFC Films - Rated R)
The British film, Looking for Eric is so hard to understand at times, it needs subtitles.  There were many places where I was lost.  That, and the fact that there is lots of soccer.  That's never a plus in my book.  Flawed, overlong, but it has a great conclusion and is ultimately entertaining.   There is a good movie in there somewhere, it just takes a translator to find it.  3 Stars Out of 5

(The A Team - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG-13)
Ten years and 11 writers have contributed to The A-Team and it shows.  I think there might have been a story in there somewhere, but I couldn't find it.  The frenetic action flails about so wildly it is impossible to tell what is going on.  Note to the director:  There is such a thing as too much editing and camera movement.  As a result, instead of being exciting, it is mind-numbing and sleep inducing.  This oddly structured, ridiculous, overwrought overdone study in blowing things up, dumbs down the TV show, and that's down there.  Liam Neeson plays it unentertainingly straight, the guy trying to be Mr. T, isn't, Bradley Cooper's abs star more than he does, and that guy from District 9 is so over the top he steals the movie.  The words pity and fool are tattooed on the hands of they guy trying to be Mr. T.  Obviously they refer to the audience.  A-Team?  Um, no.  More like C-.  2 Stars Out of 5


(Get Him to the Greek - Universal - Rated R)
Get Him to the Greek - the sequel of sorts to Forgetting Sarah Marshall, is extreme, raunchy and fun.  Jonah Hill and Russell Brand make a great couple in this buddy road comedy.  While for the most part, he is his usual over the top self, for a very short while, Brand plays it human for the first time…and it's refreshing.  Hill is manic and provides some of the biggest laughs.  But it is the hilarious music performed by the actors that steals the show - especially that by Rose Byrne.  To say it is crude is an understatement.  It is Rock and Roll heaven.  4 Stars Out of 5


(Splice - Warner Brothers - Rated R)
Ever notice when in movies someone says, "I have the situation under control" they don't?  That's Splice, a film that owes as much to Frankenstein as it does to modern gene splicing science.  Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley give the film much believability.  There is one cringe worthy wild and crazy sex scene, and then another with an ending that only says, "sequel,"
But for the most part, Splice is nice.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Killers - Lionsgate - Rated PG-13)
The main thing about Killers is there are lots of scenes with Ashton Kutcher's shirt off…not enough with Katherine Heigl's shirt off…none, actually…although her breasts are the subject of much of the movie.
Sadly, this Ashton Kutcher produced Mr. & Mrs. Smith derivative is only moderately amusing.  The two leads don't exhibit much chemistry, the action scenes are flaccid, and most of the jokes fall flat.  They wanted me to say that Killers is killer…but mostly it's just dead on arrival.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Marmaduke - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG)
Marmaduke is a Puzzle.  Curiously, there are a few too many drug references for a family film.  I was uncomfortable, and I didn't have to explain them to little Johnny.  Owen Wilson's voice is grating, the cast seems tired, and the movie is bland.  Not all that funny or endearing, it has to play the "Old Yeller" card to evoke any emotion.  The terrible CGI is far from believable, concluding with a hideous dancing dog finale.  Kids will find this boring, adults will find it tedious, and dogs won't pay any attention at all.  It all adds up to just so much Marma-dookie.  2 Stars Out of 5



(No One Knows About Persian Cats - IFC Films - Not Rated)
No One Knows About Persian Cats is an interesting and involving movie about musicians trying to perform in the midst of a repressive Iranian regime.  To play music legally requires a permit, and many musicians are jailed - just for trying to make music.  We see the underground - those who perform indy rock or even Persian rap.  We also see the authoritarian government who makes those who make music, live in constant fear.  This is an eye-opening movie about religion run amuck, but near-constant subtitles make it hard to see what is going on and exhausting to watch.  Still, the message is one all should see and take heed of.  3 Stars Out of 5


(Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time - Disney - Rated PG-13)
The first thing that jumped out at me in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, is that everyone has English accents - even American Jake Gyllenhaal.  There is nary a Persian to be seen.  It's pretty much just white people with tans sporting fake English accents…does that make sense to you?  'cause it didn't to me.  I mean, isn't it supposed to be Persia?  Oh, there are some fun homage's to the games, like when he jumps and swings and then jumps some more.  But make no mistake…this is a video game turned movie…those NEVER work…Even at the hands of Jerry Bruckheimer, he turned an amusement park ride into three, soon to be four movies.  But this isn't so hot.  He manages to get a few explosions in, along with some clichéd slow motion, some bad CGI, some underwhelming, unexciting action, and a cobbled together patchwork plot. Most of the time, it's hard to tell what is going on.  Add to that limp direction, deadpan leads, (only Alfred Molina injects a bit of life) and you have…a video game movie, and, all that implies.  2 ½ stars Out of 5


(Sex in the City 2 - Warner Brothers - Rated R)
Both the stars and the story in Sex and the City 2 have gotten a little long in the tooth.  This latest clothes orgy masquerading as a movie starts out at a gay wedding.  I quote.  "Anytime there is this much gay energy in one place, Liza manifests." And she does.  Liza Minnelli, or an animatronic version of her - I couldn't tell - officiates said gay wedding and then breaks into a Broadway version of "Single Ladies" - I'm still trying to figure that one out.  But there is some good news here, Sarah Jessica Parker finally had that mole removed.  I assume it was because it had gotten so big, it was demanding its own salary. 
At the screening I attended, I was the lone male in the audience.  I witnessed the collective ooh's and ahh's at the sight of Carrie's closet, and was about to fall through the seat I was clawing through.   But then, a braless Alice Eve gave any man roped and tied into attending this estrogen fest a short but welcome respite.  It was far too short however, and the seat clawing shifted into overdrive when the four main characters traveled to Abu Dhabi and sang "I Am Woman," making for one of the most retch inducing moments in cinema history.  Ron White, Myley Cyrus and Penelope Cruz make cameos, but I have yet to figure out why.  This movie is one for every female to remember…it can be used at any time for Pure. Male. Torture. 
Abu Dhabi doo.  1 ½ stars Out of 5



(Shrek Forever After - Dreamworks - Rated PG)
Shrek Forever After kind of feels like an episode of "Shrek the TV series,"
where they decided to do a "very special episode of Shrek" - an homage to "It's a Wonderful Life."  Nothing deep or original here, it's more milquetoast than cutting edge.  And the 3-D adds nothing.  The series has gotten rather sleepy.  This should have gone straight to DVD.  They just ran out of pop culture references and ran out of ideas.  I will say that Antonio Banderas is the star of the show with his Puss in Boots.  The movie is better than the last one, but the tired series needs to be put out to pasture.  Please, let's make it Shrek Nevermore… 3 Stars Out of 5


(MacGruber - Rogue Pictures - Rated R)
Saturday Night Live skits turned into movies are seldom great, or good even.  This time, it is reprehensible. From the director of the massively unfunny Land of the Lost, comes the even more unfunny MacGruber.   In MacGruber, Will Forte is so over the top and so unlikeable - loathsome even, that the audience hates him from the opening frames.  It is never a good thing for the audience to hate the main character.  This laugh free
bomb's idea of fun is desecrating a corpse.  But we do get to see Forte's hind end so often I began to think it was his face!  At one point Forte says, "I don't know what I'm doing and everybody hates me."  Yep.  1 Star Out of 5


(The Yellow Hankerchief - Samuel Goldwyn films - Rated PG-13)
A terrific performance from William Hurt highlights the surprisingly good The Yellow Hankerchief.  Hurt plays a man who is damaged goods trying to make the adjustment from prison, to life on the outside.  He does so much acting with just his eyes, this movie is an acting class!  The story unfolds through flashbacks, and is touching, uplifting and wonderful.  I loved it! 
4 Stars Out of 5

(Letters to Juliette - Summit Entertainment - Rated PG)
Letters to Juliette is a very pretty film.  Most of it looks like an Italian postcard.  It made me want to travel to Italy and bask in the warm sun in a vineyard!  This romantic romp around the Italian countryside succeeds on nearly every level and is a lovely, romantic, sappy, but pretty good film!  Vanessa Redgrave is the emotional anchor of this film and is worth the price of admission all by herself.  Yes, I am admitting that I liked this chick flick. 
3 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Robin Hood - Universal - Rated PG-13)
Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe turn Robin Hood on his ear.  There is no robbing from the rich and giving to the poor, no, this is all about the epic battles!  This film actually turns Robin Hood into a military leader!  Maid Marian even gets into the combat action!  To say that it strays far from the tradition is an understatement.  I think that Russell Crowe might have a man-crush on Mel Gibson.  Because this film was nothing but Braveheart Lite.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Just Wright - Fox Searchlight - Rated PG)
Just Wright has a paint by the numbers plot, but it also has Queen Latifah. 
She is just so darn likeable, she demands that you like this film…and yes, we comply.  She has such a great screen presence, I wish she'd concentrate on great films instead of mediocre treacle like this. 
Her co-star, the rapper Common plays an NBA star.  Problem is, he's too short by at least a foot and a half to be convincing.  Several real NBA stars have cameos and tower over him.  And if he continues to act, I think he should change his name from Common to Wooden.  Seriously, someone needs to tell him that rapping ain't acting.  But he doesn't have any idea what acting is.  The film's score features a lot of cool jazz, which was a big plus.  It wasn't just right, but I didn't hate it.  3 stars Out of 5




(Iron Man 2 - Paramount - Rated PG-13)
This time Robert Downey Jr shares some of the spotlight - or has it stolen from him in Iron Man 2.  It's not quite as fun as the original but is still extraordinarily entertaining.  Witty banter peppers the action and provides the films best parts.  Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell just about steal the show, playing bad guys that are almost more memorable than the star, and then there's Scarlett Johansson.  She is baad - in a good way - who woulda thunk?  This time director Jon Favreau pours on the action and tosses in just about every trick from his tool box.  There is so much other stuff going on, the title seems oddly telling…Iron Man Too…4 Stars Out of 5


(Terribly Happy - Oscilloscope Pictures - Not Rated)
Terribly Happy is quirky, darkly comic, moody and subversive. While we watch the main character's attempt at starting anew, we know his descent into a small, isolated town's collective madness is a certainty.  The fun is watching how it happens.  Terribly Happy, is, like its title, ironic.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Babies - Focus Features - Rated PG)
Watching Babies is kind of like watching someone else's home movies.  It's kind of cute for the first 10 minutes, but after that you are ready to watch Kick Ass.  Nothing remarkable happens…no narration, no translation, no plot or story…just random shots of four unrelated babies doing unremarkable things.  Here's an American baby eating a banana.  Here's a Mongolian baby crawling.  Here an African baby chews on a rock.  Here's an American baby getting a bath.  The Mongolian baby gets squirted with breast milk and wiped off.  The African baby only gets licked by his mother.  Now here's a Japanese baby playing with a cat…The Mongolian baby playing with a goat…The African baby plays with flies.  I felt like there would be an 800 number flashing on the screen any minute.  "Please give this baby more to play with than rocks and flies.  Give generously now, won't you?"  But the worst offense of this movie is…it's boring. And you know there will be a series of sequels in the making…why not one for every time of life.  Imagine random shots of older kids throwing away their lunch at school…teens arguing with their parents…young adults driving to work texting…middle agers in their gardens…seniors…playing with rocks and flies…um…maybe not.  2 ½ Stars Out of 5



(City Island - Anchor Bay - Rated PG-13)
City Island has a lot going on under the surface.  Nobody is what they seem at the beginning.  And this soon leads to hilarious results.  This wonderfully crafted, extremely entertaining movie contains rich characters great acting and is absolutely delightful in every way!  Add in a fantastic climax and it all adds up to one of the best times I've had at the movies in years…5 Stars Out of 5


(A Nightmare on Elm Street - New Line - Rated R)
Did A Nightmare on Elm Street really need to be remade?  It is such an icon among horror movies, it is pretty much untouchable.  Robert England so embodied the character of Freddie Krueger, anyone else would naturally pale in comparison.  This remake, like the Halloweens, and Friday the 13ths before it, takes on a decidedly darker tone.  But somehow it was less menacing.  This Nightmare is almost humorless, and loses much of the fright in the process.  While Jackie Earl Haley does a decent job, and the whole movie is fairly good, overall, it disappointed me.  I just missed the fun of the original.  I didn't fall asleep, but there were no nightmares here for me, either.  3 Stars Out of 5


(Furry Vengeance - Summit Entertainment - Rated PG)
Furry Vengeance isn't as bad as it looks in the trailer…No, it's much worse. 
It's worse than repeated skunk sprays in the face.  It's worse than being trapped in an overturned outhouse.  It's even worse than a vicious assault to the genitals.  (all these events appear in this movie)  The animals sound like the guy doing their sounds has explosive bubbling heartburn.  And no wonder, these animals aren't cute and cuddly, no they are nasty and despicable.  At one point, Brooke Shields says, "I don't think this can get any worse."  You know, Brooke, I think you are right!  This is among the worst movies ever made. I had to watch Brendan Fraser's pudgy, saggy, pasty body on full display wearing a too small workout suit with various parts of his anatomy hanging out!  You know that urban legend about the old lady that put her poodle in the microwave to dry it?  Well, that's how I felt watching Furry Vengeance…The poodle, I mean.  My insides began to feel queasy and I soon felt like I would explode.  Do yourself a huge favor.  I beg you.  Avoid this wet hot steaming pile of putrid animal dung at all costs.  1 Star Out of 5




(The Art of the Steal - IFC Films - Not Rated)
The documentary The Art of the Steal is decidedly one sided but nonetheless convincing.  It deals with modernist paintings by Cézanne, Picasso, Van Gogh and others collected by Dr. Albert Barnes and now valued at more than $25 billion dollars.  He specifically spelled out in his will that his paintings could never be loaned, sold or otherwise removed from the building he built to house them.  In the years since his death, his will has been shredded and his collection is being moved.  This movie exposes the shocking and disturbing corruption in Philadelphia and begs for someone to cry "foul."  4 Stars Out of 5


(The Eclipse - Magnolia Films - Rated R)
The Irish ghost drama The Eclipse is very well acted and very well told, in a movie that sort of sneaks up on you. It seems like a nice drama in a sleepy town with a sort of ominous gloom to it, but nothing all that horrific.  But watch out, just when you least suspect it…there's more nice drama.  Eventually, there are plenty of unexpected hair raising moments, but the unorthodox way this story is told lets this movie have its way with the audience, most of whom never see it coming.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Oceans - Disney Nature - Rated G)
With Oceans, Disney tries once again to pair beautiful, awe inspiring images with an earth day theme and make a quick buck.  Only this time the images aren't quite so beautiful or awe inspiring.  As a bland Pierce Brosnan narrates, man is still the bad guy here…the global warming polluter destroying the oceans and killing the beautiful fish for something as petty as food…all quite predictable.  If you overlook that, there are some interesting things here, but just quick glimpses and no real explanation.  I wished they have told me more.   It feels like a fast food fish sandwich.  You see what's there but have no idea what it really is buried under that secret sauce.   3 Stars Out of 5


(The Losers - Warner Brothers - Rated PG-13)
In The Losers, Zoe Saldana kicks butt, and Jason Patric clearly has a blast playing a twisted bad guy with more quirks than a two dollar hooker after bargain night.  It is mostly enjoyable, mindless action with just a touch of plot to make it more than just stuff blowing up.  But not too much. 
3 Stars Out of 5


(The Back Up Plan - CBS Films - Rated PG-13)
In The Back Up Plan, a semi-hunky but bland leading man meets a semi-annoying, mostly washed up pop singer in a taxi, where both accuse each other of trying to steal the audiences money…um I mean each other's cab. 
Isn't that cute?  No, it really isn't.  Nothing in this film is, there is nothing remarkable either in a mostly forgettable chick flick that seems to be more about Jennifer Lopez' private life than anything.  Oddly, J-Lo displays her bare feet more than is warranted or comfortable.  Maybe she was trying to show us in code what the movie is…a stinker.  2 Stars Out of 5



(Kick-Ass - Lionsgate - Rated R)
In Kick Ass, 11 year old Chloe Grace Moretz plays Hit Girl, her dad is Big Daddy, played by Nicolas Cage.  Together they are head bashing, knife stabbing, gun shooting fantastic!  Believe me when I say that this film is in no way politically correct.  And I have serious concerns about the child actress's parents for allowing her to participate in this movie.  Let's just say I'm glad they did and leave it at that.  Many are decrying her role, and her participation in the film, but let me say that she and Cage provide the films most entertaining scenes. Subversive, shockingly violent and Tarantino-esque at times, this movie is perverse, anti-social mayhem, a rollicking good time and a total blast.  Kick ass?  Whew.  Yes it is.  4 Stars Out of 5

 (The Joneses - Roadside Attractions - Rated R)
In The Joneses, as in keeping up with…David Duchovny and Demi Moore are pretty good together.  They are the glue that holds together this not so wry examination of stealth marketing.  It is a somewhat airy comedy that crashes down to sentimental pap by the end, although there are some moments of fun in between.  In hindsight, and taken as a whole, is seems rather bland, although I did enjoy myself while watching it.  But that might just have been from all the Audi sports cars and other glittering pretties the film's product placement division wants me to buy.  Now THAT'S stealth marketing!  3 Stars Out of 5

(A Prophet - Sony Pictures Classiocs - Rated R)
A Prophet was nominated for a best foreign film Oscar, but I don't get it.  All the critics seem to love this film, but I didn't.  Complicated, convoluted, and made even more so by the subtitles, this overlong film with a slow and meandering plot is basically a mob, prison, gang…ghost story…yeah…I was just left scratching my head…2 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Death at a Funeral - Sony - Rated R)
It's only been three years since the original Death at a Funeral was released.  That version was a very funny farce with British actors.  This is a not so funny, scene by scene remake with an African American cast, managing to wash all of the fun out in the process.  Stars here include the mostly irritating and just plain foul Tracy Morgan, Martin Lawrence and Danny Glover. Aren't their careers in rigor mortis by now?   Plus, there is Chris Rock, who appears to want to be anywhere but in this fatality.  My biggest question while watching this murderous mess?…Why? Why was this remake necessary?  (It was unnecessary in every way)  Death at a funeral…hopefully this refers to the careers of Tracey Morgan and Martin Lawrence.  I died a little bit watching it.  They took all the fun OUT of funeral.  Bury it.  1 ½ Stars Out of 5


(The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Music Box Films - Not Rated)
It's easy to see why The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was the top grossing European film of 2009.  It is spectacular.  This tension filled film is completely engrossing with plenty of action.  While it is 2 ½ hours long, you don't realize it.  It seemed like an hour to me. This always intriguing who-done-it is very hard to watch at times, but filled with rich characters, and great acting.  Noomi Rapace (rah-pahss) is an absolute revelation as she dazzles as the title character.  She brings new meaning to the term, "kick-butt."  This is a dynamite movie.  Don't let the fact that this is in Swedish with subtitles make you miss out on a truly terrific film.  I LOVED it!  4 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Date Night - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG-13)
Date Night gives us the inspired pairing of Steve Carrell and Tina Fey.  They take a fairly standard plot, that of an ordinary couple thrust into an extraordinary situation, and turn it into comic gold.  It is laugh out loud funny.
While their date night might not be so great, this is a great date film.  Unless of course, your idea of a great date movie is something you don't actually, uhem, watch….3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(North Face - Music Box Films - Rated R)
North Face tells the true story of the attempt in 1936 to scale the north face of Mt. Eiger.  This movie is intense!   The tension never lets up and is at times almost unbearable.  The film changes a few key historical points, but has action that makes you feel like you are there.  This is a haunting, tragic thriller, and a gripping life and death tale. 
4 Stars Out of 5

(Clash of the Titans - Warner Brothers - Rated PG-13)
The first thing to know about Clash of the Titans is you can skip the 3-D.  Aside from the opening minute and a half or so, it adds nothing to the movie.  The 3-D was an afterthought, and it shows, only accomplishing the removal of extra cash from your wallet.  Now, the movie itself is a remake of the 1980's Ray Harryhausen stop motion classic.  It has a nod to the original, but this one has all CGI effects.  Some are cheesy, but most are serviceable.  The film is washed out and cheap looking.  It's loud, but it drags from time to time.  Even all that noise can't keep it from getting sleepy.  It's not terrible, but far from a titan.  3 Stars Out of 5

(The Last Song - Disney - Rated PG)
Count me in the group that doesn't get the whole Miley Cyrus superstar thing.  She stars in The Last Song.  She's a perpetually pouty angry teen visiting her dad against her will.  Miley only seems to be capable of two emotions - angry and happy.   The movie's only saving grace is the presence of the very underrated Greg Kinnear whose performance provides the movie's only moments that seem real.  In case you are wondering, there is sufficient beefcake to satisfy the many squealing teen girls who will attend.  But this is pretty standard stuff.  At first Miley hates the boy who flirts with her, but the unbreakable laws of teen romance movies dictate that she fall for him in a musical montage, complete with spinning camera as they kiss.  Cue another musical montage complete with frolicking on the beach, and an oh-so-playful mud fight.  With a name like The Last Song, you know someone has to die, and soon this frollick devolves into a tearjerking mess and everyone has an achey breaky heart.  Including me.  For wasting my time.  2 Stars Out of 5

(Tyler Perry's Why did I get Married too? - Lionsgate - Rated PG-13)
All of Tyler Perry's movies seem to star the same people and they are all basically the same.  Plus, they come out so often, it seems like they are all interchangeable.  Why Did I Get Married too? Begs the question, Why did he make this too?  This irritating, uncomfortable film contains nothing to make it palatable, not even Madea wants to be seen it.  Star Janet Jackson is looking more and more like Joe Jackson…that's not a good thing…and this movie proves once and for all that she can't act!  She is so over the top, I laughed at loud at her supposed angst.  The movie is filled with tedious, repetitive dialogue.  But worse, the movie is two hours of conflict.  I felt the life force draining from me as pieces of my heart were yanked from my chest after enduring two hours of 100% pure torture, toped by an interminable, stupid, trite ending.  Shrill shrews shrieking and shouting…just shoot me.  1 Star Out of 5


(How To Train Your Dragon - Dreamworks - Rated PG)
How To Train Your Dragon contains amazing animation with some truly spectacular sequences.  The story is a lot of fun for parents as well as kids, and there's a lesson hidden amongst the training, and fire, and flying. 
Plus, I'm sure the dragon training sequences will be useful, when it comes time to train a dragon of my own.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Greenberg - Focus Features - Rated R)
In Greenberg, Ben Stiller actually plays a different character for the first time in years.  Not a lot different, mind you, but enough different to get me to pay attention again.  Jennifer Jason Leigh co-wrote and produced this angsty film packed full of dry humor and awkward moments that are milked for all they are worth.  Greta Gerwig is fantastic, proving she needs to move beyond the little seen low budget films she's been in so far.  Greenberg won't make a lot of green, but will earn Ben Stiller some much needed respect.  3 Stars Out of 5

(Hot Tub Time Machine - MGM - Rated R)
Hot Tub Time Machine is an 80's comedy.  Not just an homage to 80's comedy but a real 80's style comedy.  John Cusack even wears the long coat.  It looks cheesy like an 80's comedy.  And, it's pretty much what you expect with a title like Hot Tub Time Machine. It's a crude, gross out, guy movie, but it's actually funny.  Even though John Cusack's name is above the title, this is Rob Cordry's movie.  He completely steals the show.  Add a few 80's in-jokes, a killer 80's soundtrack, a hilarious running joke involving Crispin Glover's arm, and, more jokes involving well, there's not much more I can actually describe on TV.  Let's just say it earns its R rating. 
Hot tub + Russian Red Bull + 80's hair bands = better than my bath tub and a few burritos.  3 ½ Stars Out of 5


(Chloe - Sony - Rated R)
Chloe is steamy.  It starts with graphic sex talk and ends with…um…more than that.  But this is more than a typical late night Skinamax movie.  It is actually intriguing.  Julianne Moore is an amazing actress.  She's positively radiant and is the strength of the movie.  The end is a bit of a let down, but the terrific performances by Moore and Amanda Seyfried make this movie one to see.  Or, just wait and buy it, because there is one scene especially that will need to be viewed over and over…(and over…)  4 Stars Out of 5

(Repo Men - Universal - Rated R)
In the future, Obamacare has come full circle, and when you can't pay, you get your new mechanical organs repossessed and you die.  There is no workman's comp either, as Jude Law's character gets injured on the job and must pay or lose his new mechanical heart.  That's the basic gist of Repo Men, a movie with an intriguing concept, but with a disappointing follow-through.  The dumbed-down, over-simplified story is too full of holes, and is poorly directed.  There is some decent action and a few laughs until the last third degrades to utter silliness.  I wonder what the film would have been like in the hands of a skilled director and screen writer?   The way it is, it's almost as bad as 50 harassing phone calls a day, or a boot on your car in the middle of the night.  Take the refund, give it back, this film's foreclosed.
2 ½ Stars Out of 5

(Diary of a Wimpy Kid - 20th Century fox - Rated PG)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid is a film that kids may like, but adults will despise.  It is WAY too long, gross and kind of depressing.  Steve Zahn also looks depressed as he appears in a film that uses none of his comedic talent.  Zero.  He is totally wasted.  And, parents with kids that aren't in middle school yet may want to avoid this movie as it will scar them before they attend!  Isn't middle school hard enough?  2 Stars Out of 5

(Bounty Hunter - Sony - Rated PG-13)
Jennifer Anniston REALLY needs to stop doing movies.  She's still OK to look at, for now…but she REALLY can't act.  This has never been more apparent than in Bounty Hunter.  Gerard Butler isn't too far behind her, and the two have zero chemistry.  They both slum their way through this lame excuse for a romantic comedy, as it has no romance, no comedy, no chemistry, no jokes, no laughs…lock it up and throw away the keys…please!  2 Stars Out of 5