Movie Review
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Jackass - The Movie
Jackass - The Movie is easily the year's worst movie. And, I'm sorry to say, is the number one movie for the week, bringing in 22.7 million dollars. This is even worse than last year's horrid "Freddie Got Fingered," which was at least make-believe. Good taste prohibits me from describing this movie in anything other than general terms, but I felt physically ill for quite a while after seeing this mind-numbingly stupid, pointless, horrid, vulgar, rude, disgusting assault on your intelligence.
0 Stars Out of 5
Jackass Number Two
Jackass Number Two tells you exactly what it is right in the title. It is another vile, gut wrenching, vomitous, torturous assault, that in most parts of the country the bulk of the "stunts" could be considered crimes. In it we are "treated" to a leech on a cast member's eyeball, snakebites to the privates, an actual hot iron branding on another cast members back side, and more perverse consumption of substances that are too hideous to describe. Granted, there is about three minutes of the film that is amusing, but the nausea caused by much of the remaining 89 minutes of "Number Two" isn't worth it. 0 Stars Out of 5
The Jacket
The Jacket has superb acting, but a muddled script. The acting makes this watchable, but you have to do some hula hoops in your brain to have this one make any sense at all. By the way, it never really does, and there are too many silly things that could never really happen. Adrien Brody is such a great actor, he can communicate reams of dialogue without saying a word. And Keira Knightley shows she is more than just the current Hollywood "it" girl. If you want to be adventurous and you don't mind checking your brain at the door, The Jacket is worth a look - after it comes out on DVD.
3 Stars Out of 5
Jarhead
Jarhead is decently acted, and tries real hard, but as a movie, just doesn't succeed. The subject matter is its major flaw. It deals with a Marine in a war where there is nothing to do. It portrays the days and days of shear boredom that troops went through waiting for something to happen in the Gulf War. It does it too well. I was bored. And I never really believed the film. It tries to be edgy and full of social commentary. It wants to be Apocalypse Now or Full Metal Jacket, but it doesn't come close. 2 ½ Stars Out of 5
Jason X
If you want to talk about nothing but stupid, let's talk about Jason X. The novelty wore off after Friday the 13th number 2. This, the tenth in the series takes us 450 years into the future and aboard a space ship. If you take the plot from Aliens, take out all of the originality and scares, and plug Jason into the Alien role, you pretty much have it.
1 Star Out of 5
Jeepers Creepers 2
Jeepers Creepers 2 is nothing all that special. The Creeper is a pretty cool monster with a reptilian-insect like face crossed with a large bat that has lots of stiletto teeth. The movie starts out promising enough, but quickly falls back into the standard teen slasher formula. We are introduced to the cast, and they soon begin disappearing one by one. Of course, the Creeper is eating them. The first movie had more of a plot. This really has none. Members of a high school football team get stranded in a bus and get eaten. The one highlight of the film is a somewhat humorous performance by Ray Wise as a farmer with a homemade Creeper killer gun. And since this movie is making money, no doubt we'll be treated to a "Jeepers Creepers 3." 2 Stars Out of 5
Jersey Girl
I actually liked the Ben-Jen relationship in Jersey Girl. All 15 minutes of it. But then she dies, and the movie goes downhill. The rest of the film plays like a syrupy soap opera. Ben Affleck isn't very likable in the first part of the movie, and isn't convincing in the rest. And the sappy end begs for tears but left me cold. 2 ½ Stars Out of 5
Johnny English
What we confirm in Johnny English is Rowan Atkinson is a gifted comic, and John Malkovich has a horrible French accent. Some of the jokes in Johnny English you see coming a mile away. But Atkinson's so good you laugh anyway. There is some gross out humor and some that's not so gross…but my advice is wait for the DVD. 3 Stars Out of 5
Johnson Family Vacation
Johnson Family Vacation made me yawn as much as the sleep inducing trips my family used to take when I was a kid. This movie is pure tedium that is completely devoid of laughs, except the laugh that is on you if you paid to see this.
1 Star Out of 5
John Tucker Must Die!
There is nothing terribly original in John Tucker Must Die! It reminds me of a cross between "Heathers" and "Mean Girls." While most of the acting is mediocre, Brittany Snow is engaging, but Jenny McCarthy as a mom of a teen just doesn't work. This is a teen chick flick that has its moments, but unless you are in its target audience, this won't be a film you will want to see. 3 Stars Out of 5
Jonah: A Veggie Tales Movie
You gotta love a computer generated singing asparagus! This is a very entertaining movie that teaches Christian values in an almost invisible way. This has a wild sense of humor with a laugh a minute. And the music is great too! If you miss the song during the end credits, you'll miss a comedic gem! This is a fun movie for the whole family. 4 ½ Stars Out of 5
Jumper - 20th Century Fox - Rated PG-13
It's hard to believe Jumper comes from the same director as "The Bourne Identity." Bourne was great, Jumper…not so much. It is an interesting premise that is badly executed. It's got a muddy script riddled with plot holes, and acting that is less than stellar. Samuel L Jackson tries to out-act his neon white hair, and Diane Lane is wasted in a do nothing part. Only when Jamie Bell is onscreen does it sputter to any signs of visible life. The perpetually wooden Hayden Christensen delivers his lines in a monotone with almost no facial expression. Not to be outdone, Rachael Bilson follows suit. They obviously took lessons at the Keanu Reeves school of acting! 2 Stars Out of 5
Jungle Book 2
Watching Jungle Book 2 reminded me of how really great the original was…because the sequel is just an imitation…While this won't achieve "classic" status, it is better than most of the recent Disney sequels. The animation is still not as good as it should be, and much of the film is recycled. Haley Joel Osment is good as Mowgli, and proves he can sing, too. John Goodman does his best as Baloo, but the cool hipness that Phil Harris had as Baloo in the original comes out forced and uncomfortable sounding in Goodman's imitation. The new characters and songs are pleasant, but I'm afraid this movie is destined to be forgotten.
3 Stars Out of 5
Juno - Fox Searchlight - Rated PG-13
Juno, rated PG-13 is a brilliant film about a whip-smart teen confronting an unplanned pregnancy. Juno, played by Ellen Page, finds her unborn child a perfect set of parents perfectly played by Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman. This also stars Michael Cera, who is on a roll after his winning performance in Superbad. It is an extremely well written and directed comedy that is heartwarming and hilarious. This should make a star out of Ellen Page, who should get a best actress nomination. 5 Stars Out of 5.
Just Friends
Just Friends is not the funniest movie I've ever seen, but this will give you more than a few laughs for your $8.50. Ryan Reynolds is funny, but it's Anna Faris who steals the show. She will do anything for a laugh! A scene involving her and a tube of toothpaste after she falls on her head is priceless. 3 ½ Stars Out of 5
Just Like Heaven is a fresh take on the romantic comedy. The always perky Reese Witherspoon is just as perky as ever, while Mark Ruffalo is starting to get typecast as the male romantic comedy lead. I liked the script. It's funny, interesting and engaging. 3 ½ Stars Out of 5
Just Married
Just Married is mushy, predictable and a little too sweet. Stars Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy are appealing, but need something better to showcase their talent. I wish I hadn't seen the trailer...I saw all the best parts before going to see the movie.
2 ½ Stars Out of 5
Just My Luck
The writers of Just My Luck must have written it in their sleep after watching Freaky Friday. This tedious redo has got not a shred of originality in it, and so many moments where we feel uncomfortable watching it, I wanted to crawl out of my skin to escape. Nobody looks good in this movie. Lindsay Lohan is awkward at best, looking like one take is all she would give, while the rest of the cast doesn't seem to know what is going on at all. The script spends too much time establishing she's lucky and he's not…we got that in the first five minutes. And the "acting" done by the real life brit boy band "McFly" (who hopes to kick off their career in America with this movie) is downright painful at times…and so is this film! 2 Stars Out of 5
Juwanna Mann
A fairly funny film that doesn't have a lot of original ideas, but it has a lot of good performances, especially Tommy Davidson as rapper Puff Smokey Smoke. You'll laugh, but this isn't high art.
3 Stars out of 5
